Child-centred home rituals are well observed and show Judaism’s ability to transmit heritage across generations, but can Jewish practice be meaningful for those without little ones?

Rabbi Adam Cutler
Beth Tzedec Congregation, Toronto

Rabbi Adam Scheier
Congregation Shaar Hashomayim, Montreal

Rabbi Cutler: Inasmuch as the synagogue is the centre of public Jewish life, the home is the silver bullet to ensuring a strong Jewish future. It is where we learn by mimesis, where the values of our tradition are passed along from parent to child.

Of particular importance to the Jewish home are rituals. Recently, I have especially loved the going-to-bed ritual my wife and I perform with our two-year-old son, Jacob. We put on his pyjamas, brush his teeth, read stories and sing the bedtime Shema. We sing the blessing recited by Jacob’s biblical namesake to his grandchildren Ephraim and Menashe – Hamalach Hagoel Oti: “The angel who has redeemed me from all evil, bless the lads. May my name live on in them and the names of my forefathers, Abraham and Isaac. And may they grow into a multitude in the midst of the earth.” Of late, Jacob has even begun to sing along.

Rabbi Scheier: I, too, love the children’s going-to-sleep ritual. One of my favourite bedtime moments occurred about five years ago, when my daughter, Ayelet, who was then a precocious two-year-old, erred as she recited the Shema. She said, “Shema Yisrael, Hashem Elokenu… Melech Haolam, borei pri hagafen!” She conflated the bedtime Shema prayer with the blessing for grape juice!

It was a transformative moment for me, because my daughter introduced something she had learned from an outside source into our bedtime routine. It meant that my wife and I were no longer her only influence and source of knowledge. 

Without a doubt, though, my favourite home ritual is blessing my children at the Friday night dinner table. It’s a beautiful moment, and a beautiful articulation of priorities. We often have guests in our home on Friday night, and the moment of private blessing tells our children – and us – that they are our highest priority. 

Rabbi Cutler: When I was a camper at Camp Ramah, on Friday nights (when campers were most likely to feel homesick), a counsellor took it upon herself to offer the priestly blessing to whoever wanted one. When I became a counsellor, I took over the tradition. It was remarkably meaningful to me, and I hope to the recipients as well.

Now as a father, together with my wife, I cherish the opportunity to bless my son on Friday nights. Because of his early bedtime, the opportunity doesn’t present itself every week. Lately, I’ve been appreciating the earlier start of Shabbat, which increases the likelihood Jacob will still be awake for at least the opening Friday-night dinner rituals.

I’m struck, though not surprised, that both of us find child-centred rituals to be our favourites. Research indicates that across religions, practices focused on children are the most observed. But what about those without children, and what about seniors? How do we project a Judaism that is meaningful independent of its connection to family? How do we foster a culture of joy in practice to adults in the absence of little ones?

Rabbi Scheier: The reason we focus on children is not only because it satisfies our most basic paternal/maternal instincts. It’s because one of Judaism’s highest achievements is continuity. As former British Chief Rabbi Jonathan Sacks wrote, “The focal point of Jewish life is the transmission of a heritage across the generations. Time and again in the Torah, we are drawn to dramas of the next generation. Judaism’s focus is its children.”

Still, your question stands. How can a religion that focuses on its children appeal to those without children, to those whose children have left home, or even to those who do not enjoy positive relationships with their children?

Perhaps the answer has to do with our institutions’ ability to integrate children into the fabric of communal life. A synagogue without children has no future, and a community without an educational mandate vis-à-vis the next generations of leaders isn’t fulfilling its duty. Even as we deal with sophisticated members who are engaging their Judaism on a high intellectual and spiritual level, there is always room for the children.

And even for those for whom engaging children is not a part of their regular home life, the value of continuity to the next generation can certainly be promoted and maintained in all of our communal activities.