GUEST VOICE: USY interdating change signals respect, inclusivity

At their recent international convention, teen leaders of the Conservative movement’s United Synagogue Youth (USY) group from around North America voted to amend their constitution, adding changes to the list of standards of behaviour that USY leaders agree to when they assume their positions. 

I can imagine the excitement at this meeting, since I was a USYer not too long ago, serving in various positions on the Eastern Canadian Region (ECRUSY) executive board, including as president in my final year of USY, as well as a year on the social action/tikkun olam international general board. We planned activities, Shabbatons and conventions for other high school students, organized social action and community service programs, and advocated for Israel. After high school, I remained involved with USY as a staff member with ECRUSY, and I’ve been able to watch my brother, sister and USYers that I led grow into leaders in USY and in the Jewish community.


 

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USY leaders sign a contract, colloquially called “standards.” These standards, created by USYers themselves, acknowledge that USY is a Jewish youth group and that its leaders should act as Jewish role models. Until recently, the standards consisted of upholding Jewish laws of kashrut, Shabbat and holiday observance, as well as the more general values of avoiding drugs and underage drinking. They also expected that leaders “will refrain from relationships which can be construed as interdating.” 

Last month, USY leaders from across North America chose to recognize additional Jewish values of avoiding lashon hara (gossip), zero tolerance for bullying and treating each other with kavod (respect). Continuing in this vein of inclusivity and respect, the language of the interdating standard was changed to “The officers will strive to model healthy Jewish dating choices. These include recognizing the importance of dating within the Jewish community and treating each person with the recognition that they were created Betzelem Elokim, in the image of God.” 

This last point has raised the ire of some who feel interdating should be a hard and fast line that’s not crossed. With Jews comprising such a small proportion of the population, the idea that much of the next generation may not be raising Jewish families is a concern. However, in my view, encouraging lifelong ties to the Jewish community is best done by creating positive associations to traditions, not by using negative language. 

USYers aren’t denying that dating within the faith is an important principle. However, they note that some USYers come from families where only one parent may have grown up in a Jewish home, or who may have at one point had a relationship with a non-Jew. Rather than alienating those teens by treating interdating as a strict taboo, the new language preserves the principle that dating within the faith ensures continuity while acknowledging that it’s a sensitive subject. By focusing on respect and creating wonderful memories associated with Shabbat and other aspects of Judaism, USY instils lifelong Jewish values in today’s teens. 

As a former USYer and ECRUSY staff member, I can appreciate how challenging it is to spread the word about USY and the importance of being involved in the Conservative Jewish community, so I was excited to see USY mentioned in the media. I was confused, however, by the focus on the negative implications of the amended standards. For me, these new amendments represent the opposite. 

USY has been a way for me and other young Jews to get involved in our religion, traditions and community, to develop leadership skills and to make wonderful friendships. The amendments to the standards show that high school students want to stay involved in their community and are willing to be dugmaot (role models). Jewish values teach us about the importance of a kehillah, community, and to respect one another. The amendments demonstrate that these values of respect and inclusivity are alive and well in today’s Conservative Jewish youth. That’s something to celebrate. n

Emma Pascoe is a fourth-year student at Queen’s University.