DOMESTIC ABUSE PART 2: ‘Break down the shame’

JF&CS has placed posters in women’s washrooms at Jewish institutions around Toronto.

The Jewish community is no less affected by domestic abuse than the general population, but there is still a misconception that Jewish families are somehow immune to it.

The general consensus among professionals who provide resources and services for Jewish victims of domestic abuse cite the fact that many members of the community don’t feel comfortable discussing it publicly because of the shandeh, or shame, of not having shalom bayit, a peaceful, happy home.

Penny Krowitz, executive director of the non-profit organization called Act To End Violence Against Women (ATEVAW), said that raising awareness about the issue and the resources offered by her agency and others throughout Canada is just as important as the services they provide. 

“I think we have to talk about it and break down the shame and recognize that things happen in relationships,” Krowitz said.

One of the ways that would help bring the issue of domestic abuse in the Jewish community to the forefront is to have community leaders, including rabbis, speak freely about the issue, she added.

“One of the things… we’ve done in the past, and I’d like to do it again, is to convene a meeting of rabbis, a training of rabbis, so that they have more of a sensitivity to this issue,” Krowitz said.

Janice Shaw, Jewish Family & Child’s York Region direct service manager, said her agency runs a synagogue outreach program to encourage rabbis to speak to their congregants about the issue.

“The goal of this outreach was to meet with rabbis and/or synagogue groups to ensure information and resources were shared on the issue of domestic violence with the goal of increasing safety for women and children in synagogue communities,” Shaw said, adding that JF&CS recently secured funding to launch the second phase of the project next month.

Rabbi Ed Elkin, spiritual leader of Toronto’s First Narayever Congregation, recalls having a JF&CS representative come to his synagogue in 2013 as part of the program.

“She came to speak one Shabbat to try to highlight the issue in our community and make the synagogue a place where people who were suffering from domestic abuse, primarily women, could feel that it is a place that the issue could be talked about and could find ways to address their situation through the synagogue,” Rabbi Elkin recalled, adding that she brought posters that were put up in the women’s washrooms to provide contact numbers and encourage women who were being abused not to suffer in silence.

Rabbi Elkin said he has not yet addressed the issue of domestic abuse in one of his sermons, but he said he’s certainly not opposed to the idea, and he believes he and other rabbis have a role to play in lifting the stigma surrounding domestic abuse in the Jewish community.

Diane Sasson is executive director of Auberge Shalom Pour Femmes, Montreal’s kosher women’s shelter. She noted that the organization’s centre for external services – which serves women who aren’t living in the facility – employs an Orthodox counsellor.

“This Orthodox counsellor is the one who gives the centre credibility that… we will respect all forms of Judaism. We do have a number of Orthodox clients as a result of many years of working with rabbis and leaders and women to make them feel safe halachically in our environment,” Sasson said.

She said that over the years, Auberge Shalom has forged relationships with rabbis and encouraged them to give sermons at their shuls.

“We’re still trying to make inroads in the Sephardi community in Montreal, which is very traditional… They have the belief that the rabbi needs to be central, so in those communities, I think it is step by step, rabbi by rabbi, conversation by conversation,” Sasson said.

She said that when the issue is talked about freely in the community, “it gives people permission to come forward.” 

Sasson said she would also like people to understand that her organization values the family unit and does not push women to leave their husbands.

“A woman doesn’t come for help and is encouraged to divorce. The way we work is centred on the woman, centred on her story and centred on her reality. We do not impose our values, or our advice. We work with her to make her own decision, and she is free to stay in the relationship. We’re here to offer her safety measures, safety planning, and help her make decisions for herself,” Sasson said. In addition to its shelter – a 12-bed facility with full time staff – Auberge Shalom’s counselling and resource office provides consultation and guidance to women, whether they’re living with a partner or not. 

“It could be for women who are contemplating leaving and eventually come to the shelter. It could be for a woman who chooses never to leave and she needs the counselling and support while she is living in this relationship, or it could be after,” Sasson said. “We provide individual counselling, group counselling, we have a shelter, and we have a transitional housing support program for emergency housing for women who are leaving dangerous situations in their home.” 

In Toronto, Krowitz said that in addition to alternative short-term emergency housing for Jewish women and their children, which is operated by ATEVAW in partnership with JF&CS, her organization recently launched a legal information service for Jewish women who have experienced abuse.

“The purpose of the legal information service is to help women navigate the family law system, with everything from helping them get legal aid to appealing legal aid refusals… to helping them find the right lawyer,” Krowitz said. “We have vetted many lawyers and talked to them about their knowledge of domestic abuse and violence against women. We help them get their documents ready for a lawyers appointment or for court… We help them take the emotion out of it.”

In addition, she said ATEVAW does programming with youth and has visited the Anne and Max Tanenbaum Community Hebrew Academy of Toronto to talk to the older students about healthy relationships, and to university campuses to talk about sexual violence. 

JF&CS also offers a number of programs to support women victimized by domestic abuse, as well as their children, such as Here to Help, a group program funded by Ontario’s Ministry of Community and Social Services.

Shaw said JF&CS also runs programs with Orthodox day schools through its school social work program.

Social workers work with Jewish day schools and public schools with large Jewish populations to provide early detection and intervention in cases where children might be at risk. n

To access these and for other resources and services, contact ATEVAW’s main line at 905-695-5372; JF&CS at 416-638-7800; or Auberge Shalom’s support line at 514-731-0833.