BACKSTORY: Beware the Mossad’s vulture spies

Would you trust this bird?

After AFP’s “news” showed images of Gaza flooding and alleged in a headline that “Gaza village floods after Israel opens dam gates,” Britain’s Daily Mail embellished the yarn by declaring that “Hundreds of Palestinians were left homeless after Israel opens river dam and floods houses… hours before Jewish state’s electric company cuts off power in Gaza’s major West Bank cities.”

Rivers and dams in southern Israel?  Gaza’s major West Bank cities?

Well, they must be thinking of the lush, verdant oasis containing thousands of rivers and Niagara-like waterfalls pouring into mega hydro dams just next to the Gaza border. 

We read all sorts of stories in Arab media about Israeli “atrocities,” including widely reported bubbe mayses about the effectiveness of the Mossad’s animal agents including rats of Judah, high-altitude reconnaissance vultures, dark-op squirrels, strangely kosher pigs, GPS-guided killer sharks and, of course, Stuka-inspired dive pigeons with invisible strings.

Now, close your eyes and imagine this: Mossad vulture spies flying in formation with their vintage aviator trapper caps and goggles over enemy territory, snooping around. Now imagine that one of them is caught and interrogated. 

You think I’m pulling your leg? Well, it happened! 

“R-65,” according Saudi authorities, was a suspicious vulture circling drone-like over the residence of a prominent sheikh near the city of Hayel. Saudi counter-espionage special-ops air services intercepted and arrested the Israeli vulture. Lo and behold, they found a GPS device and a leg tag with the words “Tel Aviv University.” 

Aha! The Mossad cover story fooled no one. Yeah, right. Tel Aviv University indeed. But to his credit, Prince Bandar released the Prisoner of Zion in January 2011. The story was reported in the Saudi paper Al-Wee. At the time, the “Free R-65 Movement” was credited for the liberation of our bird. 

But the Daily Mail?

Let us not be surprised if the Daily Mail concocts a new story about white and blue mini piranhas that Israel is alleged to have released into the man-made  floods inundating cities in Gaza, “such as Jenin and Nablus.” These killer Mini-Me fish designed by none other than Dr. Evil toiling in the hidden zombie labs of Central Zion Control (a.k.a. CZC) apparently have been programmed to go after only Gaza children residing – where else? – in Nablus and Jenin.

However, the best example of anthropomorphism on steroids is the story where a goat was accused of violent vehicle theft. No, I’m not making this up.

In Nigeria in 2009, a goat was apprehended for armed robbery. Yes a goat! Police detained the goat after it was claimed the creature was in fact an armed robber who had used black magic to transform himself into an animal after stealing a Mazda. And despite all efforts, inducements and blandishments to secure the goat’s metamorphosis back into the person behind the crime, the robber preferred to stay as a goat and take his chances.

Bring on George Clooney and the Men Who Stare at Goats!

But, in the case of Israel, millions around the world will believe such stories, further cementing the nation’s image as a pariah state. Yet many would say, “How on earth could anyone possibly believe such things in this day and age?” 

Alice in Wonderland thought the same! 

“Alice laughed: “There’s no use trying,” she said. “One can’t believe impossible things.”

“I dare say you haven’t had much practice,” said the Queen. “When I was younger, I always did it for half an hour a day. Why, sometimes I’ve believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.”

Thanks to the Daily Mail, we’re getting all the practice we need!