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Friday, September 19, 2014

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When worlds collide

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Dear Ella,

I’ve been dating Ben for over six months, and we’ve fallen in love. It’s time for our parents to meet and I’m very nervous, as our families couldn’t be more different. My dad works in the sports world. He’s around men’s locker rooms, and abrasive conversation is part of his personality. Ben’s family is traditional and fairly observant, where everything is polite and formal. I see disaster ahead!

Worlds Collide

 

Dear Worlds Collide

Your two families already share some kind of harmony. They have produced two human beings who have found enough common ground between them to have fallen in love.

Let’s just get one thing straight: even if your families had come from the same background, neighbourhood etc., you would still be nervous, because this meeting is so very important to you. You‘ve built up this incredible disaster in your mind without giving the parties involved much credit.

What you haven’t realized is that, in a way, both sides already know a bit about what to expect. Every time you told your dad an anecdote about Ben and you, or mentioned his parents in any way, your dad drew a mental image of them. The same is true for Ben and his parents.

When your dad meets Ben’s parents for the first time, it won’t be in a sports locker room. Give him some credit to know when to turn off that gruff language and be respectful.

Brief your dad about Ben’s family and their lifestyle. He knows how important this day is for you. Do you really think he doesn’t want to make a good impression?

At the same time, Ben should set the scene at his end. Make sure his parents know a bit about your background and your dad’s profession. There’s nothing wrong with prepping everyone so that there are no surprises. Believe me, all involved want to make a good impression – that’s just human nature.

If everyone came from the same place, we would be living on a pretty boring planet. You and Ben can get the conversation started and then just let it take off. Take a deep breath and relax. Trust that your families love you enough to understand the importance of making this meeting work.


Dear Ella,

A dear friend of mine just spent a fortune to make herself look younger. Unfortunately, I couldn’t contain my shock when she strutted into my home yesterday. She truly looks odd. Everything on her face is overdefined and looks wrong. I can’t get over it, and my facial expession didn’t lie. Why do people do this to themselves?

Cosmetic Surgery Gone Wrong

 

Dear Cosmetic Surgery Gone Wrong

You don’t have a right to judge what pushes someone into making a decision to do a little nip and tuck. It’s their body, their mind, their life.

At the same time, you’re entitled to your feelings, but keep in mind that she can’t undo what she’s done at this point. It’s not like disliking a dress and returning it for a better fit.

Perhaps plastic surgery is not for you. It certainly isn’t for everyone, but most people certainly do everything they can to retain their youthful appearance using creams, facials, spas treatments.

Of course, the most drastic step is reconstruction. There are so many ways to look younger without resorting to that last step.  Simple things such as smiling, walking with confidence, keeping your hair coiffured and your clothes fitting well and updated. Sleep, relaxation, exercise and not smoking also goes a long way, but in the end, time will begin to show.

Don’t be embarrassed or upset about those lines, because each and every one represents your life. Your triumphs and tragedies, your children and grandchildren.

You should wear those lines with pride. You earned every one of them, and in my opinion, they should not be erased from time.

 

Ella’s advice is not a replacement for medical, legal or any other advice. For serious problems, consult a professional.

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