Why is it that we frequently hear eulogies honouring Jewish women using the Proverbs poem of Eshet Chayil, A Woman of Valour? Is this the only resource we have for praising women?

Recently, in these pages, Lauren Kramer wrote that she is “Happy to skip the Eshet Chayil.” She explained quite thoroughly why this particular poem seems anachronistic and problematic. Far from feeling praised, she and many women like her find it insulting. I too admit that my family does not sing this song Friday night. I do not aspire to the standard of one who works so hard while her (lazy) husband sits at the city gates receiving praise!

Friends have argued with me, and even offered better translations than the outdated one that Kramer uses. But, as she vigilantly notes, this is not about the ancient meaning or attributions of the text, but rather its current usage.

It is not so much that I find it “simply absurd” as that I believe women do not grasp the meaning of the words and would not normally agree to those standards. In fact, neither do the rabbis. Our rabbinic commentators often attribute great beauty to our female ancestors. Their declaration that our matriarchs like Sarah were beautiful was heartfelt and consistent. 

We can understand that their description was not merely a statement of physical beauty, but rather encompassed moral and spiritual beauty. So how can we proudly proclaim, “Grace is deceitful and beauty is vain?” Beauty, both physical and spiritual, is continuously an important factor in our lives. It pertains to our esthetic sense and we experience it as part of the completeness of our lives.

I certainly do not mean to oppose praising of women. Far from that. My complaint focuses on the poem itself not the ritual practice of extoling women. And while I do find some of the phrases inappropriate, I also recognize that many women glory in their roles as mothers, homemakers and businesswomen. So, parts of the tale do appear to fit some women. Certainly, many women enjoy this serenade. It has even been recited at some wedding ceremonies.

But with a tradition so rich in history and poetry, why is it that this is the only text we can find for our eulogies? In fact, I would say that it is this over-usage that prevents me from enjoying any reciting of that song.

Our tradition is rich in potential sources by and about women. In the biblical corpus itself, there are numerous women heroines, including Ruth whom Boaz calls an Eshet Chayil! We also can find the songs by extraordinary women such as Deborah, Hannah and Miriam. So why not pursue these sources?

Furthermore, there are so many Jewish women in history who have paved the way for our people’s survival. Should we not recognize them or use their stories to highlight the currently deceased?

I know this will involve more work, but the lives and names of these women are known and easily available. People can look up any name online in the Jewish Women’s Encyclopedia. There are memoirs and history books. Recently, I received a list of great females in Israel’s current history that has more than 200 names. I myself teach five distinct courses on Jewish women.

When I first started teaching, there were few resources, but now I am overwhelmed with sources. Cheryl Tallen of Toronto produced an annotated bibliography of Jewish women in the medieval period of over 55 pages. That collection alone is a significant indicator of our long history and the role great Jewish women played in creating and preserving that heritage. 

At the moment of death, we can look back on one lifetime and recognize its significance in the context of our rich heritage. Especially at that moment, this heritage should not be reduced to one poem.